On
by Sofi Salvatore
Summary: She's in love with the Doctor – that's why Rory left them. The Doctor loves her, too. Or used to. She doesn't know, and that's what hurts her – she doesn't know. /the Doctor leaves Amy behind and she's left to move on. Rated T for mentions of sex.
1. Chapter 1

**a/n: again, this is another product of what's been going on in my head last night at 3am, but I've added a lot to it. Angsty. **

**Inspired by many of those fanfiction authours out there who write about the Doctor leaving Amy because he loves her. But he comes back. He always comes back, yeah? **

_June_

He left. Left her here. Alone. Without him. This isn't possible, after all they've been through. She doesn't understand.

He says that she's better off without him after they encounter Cybermen that give her scars, too many scars. Physical, emotional. Scars are painful. She hates scars. He's emotionless and unreadable as he drops her off and leaves her there. He allows her a hug, but turns his head away when she tries to kiss him.

She's a dead person walking. She wakes up, makes tea, writes in her journal and sleeps. She loves sleeping; her dreams are better than reality.

Rory hears that she's back and visits her during the weekends. She looks forward to when he does; he brightens up her day with his cheerful smile and awkward attitude. She often cries, and Rory's there when she does. He runs his fingers through her hair and it almost feels like when they were engaged. But she dismisses the thought; Rory doesn't love her anymore. He's like her brother. Besides, she was in love with the Doctor – that's why Rory left them.

The Doctor loves her, too. Or used to. She doesn't know, and that's what hurts her – _she doesn't know. _

Well, she doesn't until she finds a note in his handwriting. _I'm sorry. _

And that's when she knows, and she decides wondering was better than knowing the truth.

Rory finds her that day, curled up on her bed in pieces. He takes her in his arms and doesn't ask her what's wrong. She's glad he doesn't.

He's left her waiting. Again.

_July_

She's more or less surviving. She eats, she goes out. She writes about her adventures with the Doctor on her laptop. It's the only way she copes with the truth.

Rory's earned employee of the month and is allowed a week off, and she has a great time with him. He takes her to a fair that's opened up for summer in the next nearest town, and there's rollercoasters and Ferris wheels and carnival games and she's having _sososomuchfun. _They travel around the borders of Leadworth, to the small little towns that always bring something new to their attention. They even go camping and tell spooky stories. It's just like when they were kids.

Rory tells her about his new girlfriend and she finds that she isn't jealous. They've been together for about two months now and he hasn't told her because he was afraid she'd get angry, but she's not, she assures him. He's relieved and he tells her about her. She's nice and fun and smart and _reallyreallyreallypretty_ and he's really happy with her and he's met her parents and everything. Her name is Lily and she's got gorgeous black hair and emerald eyes, and Amy almost chokes because that's the colour of the Doctor's eyes.

When Rory goes back to work she's as bored as hell. She sleeps during the day so she can stay awake at night. Also so she can see the stars, she loves the stars.

She's still waiting.

_August_

She's writing for the local newspaper now; articles about what may or may not be. She's become quite popular, and makes friends with the people who admire her work. They wonder where she gets her inspiration from, and she smiles sadly to herself.

She makes friends with Lily, Rory's girlfriend, and they always go out on Saturdays. She's also made friends with Mike, Emma and Daniel (she met them at the local coffee shop) and remembers that she used to go to school with them. Her parents are happier now she's piecing her life back together.

She still writes about her adventures when she's free, which is quite often. Amongst her friends, she's the only one with the least stable job. But she breaks down when Rory thinks it's safe enough to ask her about the Doctor.

_She's scared that she'll never stop waiting_

_September_

She's moved out of her parents house to rent an apartment, and gets to know more about her friends. Emma tells her that Daniel has a crush on her and he proves it by asking her out two weeks later. She smiles and agrees; they go to the pub and she wears a black dress. She's having a fun night until she comes home and finds a note perched on her desk.

_You're moving on – that's good. Thank you._

The note doesn't makes sense but proves that he's still thinking about her, just when she's trying to forget. (She always fails, but at least she's trying). She's supposed to be happy, but she's angry, and kicks the chair. Rory says that she should release her pent-up anger, and she takes up the martial arts.

She goes back to herself, one step at a time.

_October_

She's quite good at the martial arts and reaches the green belt, which is two steps higher than a white belt. Rory's proud of her and so is Daniel. Daniel's nice – but that's it; nice. She feels nothing for him, but doesn't want to admit it. She wants to be loved by somebody.

She's not so hopeless anymore. She's smiling, laughing, but still writing, because the Doctor is never forgotten. She finally tells Rory about her relationship with the Doctor one night when he asks her again.

She tells him about the sloppy first kiss, the midnight dates, the fooling around. She doesn't mention the few times they've had sex, but it's been a year since she's travelled with him so Rory can probably figure it out. She admits to him how much she misses him, and he's oh so understanding. But she feels better now she's told someone.

It's not so bad anymore.

_November_

She's published a book; one about her imaginary friend. She doesn't quite know how it happens but she's sent the wrong email and they thought it was amazing so she agreed to publish it. She's earned quite a lot and gains publicity in the country. But with every up comes a down, and Rory's devastated after Lily breaks up with him. She takes him out for a movie and visits him every day for the next two weeks, and tries to help him in any way she can.

Daniel becomes a nuisance and she ends things with him. She hasn't heard from him or Emma, but Mike's always there and they take Rory out dancing on Saturday. She's become acquaintances with her publisher, Sarah, and she thinks she'll be all right.

She finds the next note when she's decided to be productive and cleans out her apartment.

_Congratulations, Amy, on your book. I've read it and it's brilliant. Consider me your greatest fan._

She feels a bit smug and a little angry, so she takes it out on a punching bag. (She's quite pleased with her improvement in martial arts – she's a blue belt now). The Doctor would be proud. _(No, that doesn't mean that she's still waiting, shut up.)_

_December _

She visits London with Rory (they gave him a full month break for Christmas) because a businessman's interested in her writing. He asks her if she'd like to become a journalist next month, since her book is about travelling, and she eagerly accepts. She's excited; she gets to travel again, and she loves visiting new places. Rory's happy for her and so are her parents, and she meets a new man named Dylan and he's sweet and caring and wonderful and she's good friends with him. She's also gotten a call from someone interested in her book and wants to meet her, and she agrees to after Christmas.

They spend Christmas at Rory's friend's flat and it's fun and joyful. They watch Christmas specials on the BBC and they're all wearing fuzzy red hats coated with white. She chuckles because the Doctor would love them.

She meets an old man (apparently he was the one who called her) and he's frail and looks sad, so incredibly sad. He asks her about the Doctor she wrote about, and she tells him. The old man's name is Wilfred and he tells her about his granddaughter Donna, an old companion of the Doctor's. Someone else he left behind. She doesn't quite understand, but she feels sad and sorry and angry at the Doctor, and thanks Wilfred for meeting her because she's sure that he wanted to talk to someone out it.

She and Rory get up to all sorts of nonsense during New Year's, and Dylan kisses her when the ball drops.

She goes home and finds a note in scrawny handwriting.

_Happy New Year, Pond._

She smiles sadly as she rips the note in half. She's determined to make a fresh start of the year. _Now, Amy, stop waiting. That's enough._

_January_

She's moved to London now after she starts her job. She's finished with her martial arts (black belt!) and travels to all sorts of places, like Beijing and South Africa. She loves it, the new cultures, the food, the folk stories. She writes about her travels and even gets to submit one to the BBC (_Amelia, I am so proud of you! You should tell your father, here he is – AMELIA! CONGRATULATIONS, LOVE!_). She thinks she's got it going easy now.

The Doctor is just about forgotten (she wants to forget. Yes, she's forgotten about him – don't look at her like that, _SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT HIM ANYMORE._) Rory phones her and tells her he's been promoted – he's a _doctor_! She's happy for him and invites him to a trip to Russia next month (she needs to go anyway, they've asked her to write about it) and he's beyond ecstatic – he's fascinated by Russian history. She meets Wilfred again for coffee and he tells her about his adventures and she's absolutely fascinated.

Dylan takes her out for a romantic dinner and she's pleased. They have drinks and dance and it's so much _fun, _and when she wakes up, he's there. Not clothed, but still there. She blushes when she finds herself in the same state, and thinks back to when she last slept with someone (oh crap, she last slept with _him, _now shut up stop thinking) and she forces a smile onto her face before she can regret it. _AMELIA, STOP IT! MOVE ON!_

_February_

She's spent two weeks in St Petersburg with Rory, and they visit museums, old monuments, everything. She jots down notes and he stares around in awe. She brings her camera and snaps a few photos of him (_Amy, what are you – AMY! Oh GOD, don't show that to anyone!_) and she loves the food. Rory's still in touch with Emma, who's still in touch with Daniel, who's still in touch with Mike, who's oddly in touch with Sarah. Amy speaks to all of them, and tells them about Russia.

When they arrive back at her flat, she finds her friends throwing a surprise party for them. Lots of people she's met, haven't met, and wants to know are there, and suddenly she becomes fun, flirty, fabulous Amy Pond again, back in her senior days.

Everyone's left and she and Rory are still dancing (_Amy, come on, one more dance – it's Boogie Wonderland! Amy, please!_) when he arrives. There's a familiar gush of wind and a familiar sound. She sees a familiar box with a familiar colour, and she feels Rory tighten his grip on her arm.

And a familiar man sticks his head out, with a familiar sad but yearning look on his face.

And all the feelings she's kept locked away comes rushing back and all she can think of is _I'm sorry Dylan. _

**Word count: 1947**

**a/n: I think I'll continue this when I have the time, but I might not update **

**often. I've got lots of homework and exams are coming up. **

**So yes! I know it's a little dragging, but come on! I'm always reading about how Amy's lifeless and sad and mopey when the Doctor leaves her and she never stops waiting, but honestly, at this age, I would think that she's had enough waiting. I think that this would have been a realistic view on how she's trying to move on. And Amy's a journalist here because I'm considering that career, and honestly its damn interesting. **

**Let me know what you think in reviews!**


	2. Chapter 2

**a/n: sorry for the wait, I was on holiday. Slightly changed format here, I think I'd rather not narrate.**

"I waited for you, fucking waited!" she screams at him, punching every inch of his body. Seeing her unnerves him, and she looks absolutely stunning in that sequined dress, showing off her legs that seemed to go on for miles. Her make-up is still on, and Rory's wearing his best shirt. The place is in a mess, with cups thrown everywhere and the scent of alcohol in the air.

"Amelia!" he protests, and she punches him even harder. "My, what have you been doing in your spare time?"

"Doing this exact same thing, except you were a dummy and I was wearing gloves!" Her voice comes out in shouts, and he's amazed that she's even able to deliver those punches without losing breath.

"She's been taking some Taekwondo lessons," says Rory, speaking for the first time since he's arrived. His eyes are hard, and the Doctor looks away.

"Have I interrupted something?" he asks when Amy's done punching him. Music's still playing and he noticed they were hugging when he arrived. Or they were dancing.

Rory speaks again when she doesn't. "House party," he says. "We've just come back from Russia."

"Russia! How interesting!" The Doctor tries to sound light and happy, but it just makes Amy's glare become more deadly. Rory gives him a disapproving look.

"I'm going to bed, Amy," Rory states, and walks over to the unmoving Amy who's still glaring at the Doctor. "Amy," he says, taking her face in her hands and forcing her to look at him. Amy finally complies, irritated.

"Amy, don't do anything stupid," he warns. Amy starts to laugh with a 'you-must-be-ridiculous!' expression on her face, but he stares her down. The Doctor watches, a slightly jealous expression on his face. She finally nods, looking down, and he kisses the top of her head, giving her a light squeeze. "Okay?" he asks, looking into her eyes.

"Okay, Rory," she says softly, promising him. Rory nods and walks towards his room, not saying anything to the Doctor. As he reaches the door, he turns. "Amy! Don't give Dylan anything to worry about!"

"Dylan?" says the Doctor, as Rory shuts his door. He walks to where she is, and she steps back. "Who's Dylan? And why is Rory here?"

"Rory's my best friend," she hisses. "He was there for me when you weren't." He flinches but she goes on. "And Dylan is my boyfriend."

The Doctor's expression goes blank. "Boyfriend?" he repeats, not sure he heard her right. "_Boyfriend?_"

"Yes, Doctor, _boyfriend_!" she yells. "You left me, after all!"

"You knew I'd come back – I always come back!"

"Well it didn't bloody seem like it!"

They're both staring each other down, a foot apart. He feels an angry rush of blood around his body and his hearts feel punctured – is this what betrayal feels like?

"Anyway," she says in a much quieter voice, "you made it none of your business when you left me."

"Anything concerning you is my business!" he snarls. How dare this Dylan bloke steal her away from him?

"You shouldn't have come back," she says in that same low voice. "I don't want you here."

"Well, believe it or not, Pond, but I love you, and I'm determined to get you back."

"Isn't that selfish?" she counters. He flinches.

"Yes," he says. "But so am I."

They both glare at each other, and Amy's the one to back down. "I'd like to see you try," she says, and walks towards her room without another word.

"Oh, I will," the Doctor assures her, his voice raised determinedly. "I will."

He does everything he can to win her back.

At first he starts with the more simple things. Her favourite flowers, or a surprise home-cooked dinner. He's patient and normal, but Amy still sees his eyes burning with a fire that can't be put out.

Almost every night, she cries. She wants him here, she wants him so badly, but he left her. She can't just take him back. Besides, she has Dylan! He'd be heartbroken if she broke up with him.

So, she refuses every one of his attempts. She even tries to bring Dylan around for dinner one night, but the Doctor remained unfazed. Now, with Rory back at Leadworth, he's dominated the spare room and tries to do his best to cockblock whenever Dylan is over. He's stubborn, but so is she, and she makes a habit about talking about Dylan whenever he's around. He usually shuts himself in the room after, but when he comes back out he's still as determined as ever. She's so, incredibly frustrated but also flattered that he wants her so badly.

It's one night, when he hears her bedroom door open, that the situation starts to change. He knows that she only gets some midnight coffee when she can't sleep – he's experienced it too many times. He leans against his door, hears her sigh.

He opens the door and she looks up from where she's sitting, startled, a blanket placed over her shoulders and a mug of hot coffee in her hands. He crosses the small living room to the kitchen, leaning against the counter.

"Go back to sleep, Doctor," she sighs. "I want to be alone."

"You know I don't sleep much," he reminds her, and frowns. "You used to act differently whenever you woke up."

"Times have changed," she informs him, standing up and rummaging through her snacks. "I've changed."

He sighs. "Amy I'm sorry for what I did, okay? You don't know how sorry I am, or what I've done –" he stops. "But I know that five months without you were unbearable and that I need you. So please," he says softly. "Come back with me."

Amy just looks at him, and for a tiny second he's sure she's going to come with him, and then lets the bomb drop. "I've ended things with Dylan."

His hearts leap with joy as he fights to control his expression. "And why is that?"

She sighs. "I – I don't want anyone in my life right now. I need to be alone, I need a friend."

"Amelia," he spoke softly. "I'm your best friend."

"But am I yours?" she shoots back. While he's happy that she didn't contradict his last statement, he still ponders at her question. Was she his best friend? She was the one for him, of course, but was she truly, his _best _friend? He thought Donna would forever hold that position before he stopped to really think about what Amelia Pond was to him.

"You are the woman I love," he says slowly. Her expression stays hard. "And I know that we have been through so much, and we've caused explosions and too many bangs to count – because we're us. The Doctor and Amy Pond. And the days that came," he smiles, repeating the words he had said to her so long ago. "That come. Will come. And I just can't let you think –" Amy looks at him furiously. "– for one second that you aren't my best friend."

Amy widens her eyes and looks down again when she meets his encouraging gaze. She sighs. "Well then maybe my best friend can come to Athens with me. I've got to do some writing on the Parthenon."

"Ah!" he smiles. "The Parthenon. I could tell you all about it. I was actually there when it was being built –"

"Doctor," she says softly, smiling a little. "I'd like my best friend without the annoying commentary, please."

He looks offended and she laughs for the first time since he came back. He smiles but doesn't comment, afraid that she'd notice herself. "When are we leaving?" he asks instead.

"Tomorrow morning. I'm sure you can ask for an extra seat on the flight – they'd be more than happy to provide you with one," she says, remembering his psychic paper. She walks to her room, and pauses, looking back. "Goodnight, Doctor."

"Goodnight, Amelia," he calls, and he catches her smiling as she shuts the door.

The next few days in Athens are agony.

He's sitting next to her on the flight, and he can't brush her arm with his. He tells her about the ancient history, but she doesn't look impressed with him like she used to. He shares a room with her (the hotel had only one left), but he can't sleep with her. He makes her laugh, makes her smile, but every time he tries to make any other advances, she pushes him away. She's fierce and stubborn, and when she sets her mind on something, it's going to take hell and back to change it.

"Amy," he groans after five days of this. She looks at him innocently, stuffing her clothes into her bag. "I'm tired, Amy."

"Go to sleep, then," she says, turning back to her 'packing'.

He tries again. "The sofa hurts my back."

She gives him an indifferent expression. "Honestly, Doctor. You run around battling monsters and such, and a _sofa_ hurts your back?"

He stays stubborn, and she sighs.

"Fine," she says. "I'll sleep on the sofa."

He gives out a sigh of exasperation, and she starts to get angry.

She throws a shirt into her bag forcefully. "All right," she says, annoyed. "What is it? Spit it out, will ya?"

And he explodes. "I'm trying!" he yells, and she takes a step back, shocked. "Okay? I'm trying to make this work! Why won't you let me? I know that – don't look at me like that, you saw this coming!" he hollered at her when she gave him a look of outrage. "I know that I let you down, that I left you. You don't know how many times I've beaten myself up for it! Okay? I love you, Amy Pond, and you may think that in the past few months I've moved on, but I haven't! I tried, but couldn't because the thought of you was nagging in the back of my mind, and I just couldn't! And then I come back for you and hear that you've been sleeping around –"

"Shut up," she says warningly.

"Have I never been good enough for you?" he asks, tired. "Because by the way you're treating me, I don't think I ever was. Go ahead. Find someone, get married, have kids. I'll never be able to give you that, anyway. Go and have a successful career and travel the world. And just remember that I _tried_, but I can't keep trying when you're not cooperating." She's silent and still and he's just tired of everything. She's letting him do all the fighting, when she should be doing some too. _He _gets a decision too. She's not the boss of their relationship. The Doctor takes one last look at her, and walks to the door.

"Doctor." The word is said silently, but he can still hear it. He sighs.

"If you're going to yell at me about this, I –"

"Shut up!"

And suddenly her lips are on his, and he's kissing her hungrily. It was amazing to taste her lips again after so long, and he savours the moment. His hands snake around her waist, pulling her closer until he's sure that there's no space between their bodies. He feels her hands running through his hair, tugging at all the right places, just like she used to.

Before he knows it, he topples on top of her on the bed, and he feels her smile against his lips.

**a/n: I might just leave this at two chapters. I know it's quite OOC, but just remember that the Doctor and Amy have been together for about a year now, in a proper relationship, so they've changed. **

**Please review, tell me what you think.**


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